Sunday, February 26, 2012

SAHM vs. Working Mom


This morning was tough.  I took Amelia to her new daycare.  She was at a previous Daycare out in town.  To be honest I never really was thrilled about her going there.  I like her teachers, but I wasn’t too fond of the director of the school.  It was a Christian school, but I always felt like the director was out for one thing… MONEY.  Plus the hours didn’t really work for us all the time, and it was super expensive.  So in DEC of last year Morgan and I decided that we were going to get her on base.  
On base offers child care at their “Child Development Centers” (CDC).  There are several throughout the island.  I chose one that was on my way to work.  Unfortunately it’s nowhere near Morgan’s work, so I’ll have to take her and pick her up everyday.  But your tuition is based on income and it is open extended hours to meet the needs of the military.  So it’s more affordable for us and has extended hours, I thought it was a good fit.
Anyway today she had her first day.  When I walked her in she seemed so curious about everything.  Over the weekend I kept talking to her about moving to a new school, but I don’t think she knew what was going on.  I met one of her teachers and there were already some kids in her class there.  Amelia is always really shy at first, so she was clinging to me like a lil monkey.  I was explained to her teacher that she was potty trained but I put her in pull ups today because she was in a new environment.   I told them that she tells me when she has to go, but I don’t know if she will inform them since she doesn’t know them.  I’m worried how her potty training will go.  At her last daycare she didn’t wear pull ups, only at nap time.  I just hope she doesn’t take a step back in her potty training she is sooo good at it now.  But I fear it might happen.  Ohh back to my morning, so I finished up with the teacher and I was about to leave, Amelia knew it too.  When I started for the door her grip grew tighter and she started to cry.  It really broke my heart. She was crying and saying “mommy no”.  I was really on the verge of tears.  I hugged her and kissed her and told her I would be back to pick her up in no time.  I could see her through the window crying as her teacher hugged her and tried to calm her. 
On my way to work all I could think about is how Amelia is going to do today.  How is she going to interact with the kids, how is she going to interact with the teachers, how is she going to feel during nap time?  I am a worry bug I can’t help it.  Then I started to think about not working at all.  I really don’t think I am going to work after I have this baby.  It doesn’t really make sense.  With what I get paid and the time I’ll be away from both babies, I don’t want to do that.  Originally I started working because Amelia was getting older and she needed to interact more with kids her age.  I need to have some adult time and earn a lil cash on the side.  Now I really don’t care for my job.  I just took it to get my foot into the door with this company, I was originally planning to be here a year and then apply for a more lucrative and challenging position.  But my plans got sidetracked when I got knocked up.  Which is fine, I’m super happy about being prego.  I like that our kids will be close in age, but not too close.
Well it all brings me back to the question at hand, when do I want to start being a SAHM??  Oh another wrench into the mix, Morgan is going to be gone for a good chunk of time.  He is going to come back before the baby is due (hopefully he doesn’t come early), but he is leaving pretty soon.  I know tons of Military wives do it and have been in my position before and have done everything without skpping a beat.  But me being the worry bug that I am, I of course am freaked out!  We have so much to do before the baby comes. We haven’t even started on anything.  I was thinking of having things done at least a month before baby is due, but I might have to start things ASAP.  So with Morgan gone during my 3rd trimester, me working, Amelia in daycare, I don’t know if I can do it all???  I also want to spend some time with Amelia before I have the lil guy.  For 2 and half years she has been our one and only.  I know that having the new baby I wont be able to spend as much time with her at first, so I want to get my time in now.  So I don’t really know when I want to waive the white flag and quit.  Ideally I would like to plan my departure and not just have “enough” one day and turn in my resignation.  I’ve got some time to think about it.  But I just need to put some real thought and talk to Morgan about it.  I know a lot of women struggle with this decision and I’m not different.  I just gotta figure things out…

On a side note>>>

{Watched Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 1, NOT impressed.  I don't get how people get so obsessed with these movies.}

{Watched J. Edgar Hoover, pretty interesting.  Started off really reallly slow.}

{I really have a need to shop, but being that i'm a whale I don't think anything looks good on me.}


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