32 Weeks Update

8 Months down….roughly 2 months to go!  Whahooooooooo.  I had my 32 week appointment on Monday.  It was not great.  Actually it was the worst appointment I’ve been to.  I went through a rollercoaster of emotions in about an hour.   From 12 weeks I have been on a pregnancy path, expecting a c-section.  I was actually asked if I wanted to try a vbac or go with a c-section again.  I honestly am afraid of a vaginal birth because of what happened with Amelia.  I was all set for a vaginal birth with Amelia, I took classes, read books, and watch videos (not many).  I felt mentally and physically prepared.   But when it came to the big day I ended up having a c-section.  I never really progressed.  I sort of felt like a failure, that I couldn’t do it on my own.  It’s kind of haunted me.  So this time I opted for a c-section again because I don’t want to be stressed about it or feel like a failure.  On my 32 week appointment I was excited because I was told I would be scheduled for my delivery.   I was literally crying in the room. It's kind of a lot to explain and I’ve been over it so many times these past few days.  I met with the doc and she was telling me there was no post operation report in my records and that I should try a vaginal birth. I was freaking out because I didn't plan for that and I don’t feel ready.   I expressed to the doc that I didn’t feel ready and that I felt like she was dropping a bomb on me.  I quote “Honey, you have 2 months”!!  Can you believe her nerve??? I cried more.  She suggested I go to the vbac class and by my next appointment I can make a decision.  I ended up going to records myself, and had to talk to 3 people and finally someone found the post operation report. I took it back up to the doc and she said after reading it, we are going to go thru with a c-section. Oh also she "forgot" to mention that I'm anemic again. I went through a whole bunch of emotions and I am scheduled for a c-sec on June 11. I really don't like this hospital. I miss the hospital in Bremerton, where I had Amelia.  I just feel like I’m not being taken care of very well.  Just another patient walking through the halls.   After have a day to think about things, I remembered when I had Amelia I had anemia and I went through NST and blood tests weekly.  The doc never mentioned anything about that.  So the next day I called and I left a message to talk with the doc, I called about 7:45 am.  I didn’t get a call back until 6:30 pm!  I asked about the tests and she said it would be a good idea.  Why am I telling the doc this, shouldn’t she have mentioned it before?? Ugh…I’m just praying for a healthy baby and safe c-section.  I just want to not have to deal with them anymore.  Unfortunately after having the baby I’ll have to deal with them more.  All in all have a bitter taste in my mouth for this hospital.  I can’t wait to never have to deal with them again!  As for how I’m feeling, I feel big!  Big is an understatement!!  I’m tired.  I can’t wait for my husband to come home.  I need some rest! OH and I’m currently 115 pounds! Geeze!