I hate looking at the calendar. I feel like the days are just draggin
by. I feel bad for Mills that I can’t
really be there for her. It’s hard for
me to pick her up, I know I’m not as fun as her daddy, I’ve become short fused,
and I suck at cooking. I am glad that
this deployment is short, but it sucks being so far away from many of my
friends and especially my family. I want
to be strong, but all I want to do is be a wimp. I find myself tearing up every now and
then. So far it’s been a few weeks with
more weeks to go. The weather hasn’t
been great so I think that is adding to my sadness. I really wanted to do more things with Mills
this weekend but the rain stopped that.
Also she has pink eye, it’s been tough because she doesn’t like the gel
for her eyes and fights me every time I have to put it in. She fights me a lot lately. Every time I tell her to go to time out, she
cries for her dad. Which is strange
because he is usually the disciplinary and I’m the one who comforts her. She listens to him more, usually it only
takes a stern voice from him and she will correct herself. Me on the other hand have to ask her a
million times and usually have to bribe her.
I bend more easily these days in order to dodge a breakdown (from her or
myself). I feel like I have no one to
talk to, I don’t want to tell him because I don’t want him to worry. I want him to think I can handle this. Things just haven’t been easy. I didn’t really expect them to be, but I just
didn’t expect things to be like this.
Maybe when we’re used to things, it will ease up…hopefully this
week. The thought just hit me, I’m only dealing with one child and one on
the way, how is it going to be with 2 kids and he gets deployed? How am I going to handle things then? Will I be able to? We have talked about staying overseas, it’s a
very real possibility that he’ll leave on deployment and I’m stuck with 2
kids. At this point I don’t feel
adequate. Every part of me wants to be
able to call him and ask him to come home.
But there is no way in hell that would happen. We don’t even get to talk. I was getting emails from him on a regular
basis for about a week, then that stopped.
Now they are more sporadic. Ughhhh…I
feel terrible for complaining because so many other wives have it worse. I just got to have hope that everyday it’s
going to get a little easier and everyday done is another day closer to him
coming home. I just got to be strong…
strong for Mills, strong for Morgan, and strong for myself.
On a side note>>>
{Starting to get more gifts for the baby, I'm excited!}
{I feel like I want to cut my hair, I feel like I need a change.}
{I got a wedding invitation for a really good friend's wedding in June, I'm sad I can't go.}
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